If you are a mom you know that a shower is not just a shower, it's a small luxury that is rarely enjoyed and prolonged, but when it is.......it's like a unexplainable cleanse of so many things-someone else's snot, spit up, an unusual smell on your shoulder, pureed carrots from your hair, your overall spirit. Today I experienced one of those. Today......I am a better person.
Usually my "mom shower" is something reminiscent of Summer Camp, meaning, you have about 3 minutes to do your best. IE-shaving your legs is not on the menu unless you want to take the entire strip of skin off of your tibia. The underarms, well, you will regret it when you lift your arms overhead at a playdate the next day, or at the gym....if you're an over achiever mom who frequents such places. I do frequent the gym...at first it was the only place that I could get away from my "nice baby", and it was the only place that the "nice baby" could get some human contact with other "nice babies" and not to mention other caregivers. I have finally made some friends, so I do also get to go to playdates and fun little outings these days. Thank you Jesus! I digress....
Thus, not looking like Julia Roberts on the red carpet that time she had full on man hair under her arms is important. Okay, back to the "mom shower". The "mom shower" happens at two different times of the day: way too late, or during nap time. The "way to late" shower usually happens around 10pm when I would rather be curled up on the sofa watching something mindless or drifting off to sleep in my cozy bed. This shower is truly a necessity because you realize that it's not your husband who smells like BO, it's you! And, if you want your new Alexander Wang Cardigan Wrap (the one you bought at Barneys for way too much that really shouldn't go in the washer) to smell like your husband, you better take it off, and take care of that. So, that's the late shower.
The "nap time shower" is the most ridiculous of the two. This is the one that starts on impulse. You realize that you may have a few moments to yourself, and you really long to read the new addition of Lucky that just arrived in the mailbox, but once again, you can't remember the last time you showered, and you think that must be the reason that your hair is so....well, uncooperative. So, you rip off your clothes, leave the bathroom door open, blast the baby monitor, and hope you can get through the conditioning cycle before you hear the scream of the baby, or the blood curdling, "mooooommmyyy" of the two and half year old. My favorite is when you can hear the baby crying, and you haven't even rinsed the shampoo out of your hair or even started the body wash faze. This is when you have to make the clutch decision, do I finish, or do I rush out of the shower only to find that she is bored and not dying of something unusual? Decisions decision.....the day is filled with them when you stay at home with your kids.
I remember, in my former life, I would wake up, go for a run, come back, eat breakfast, shower, get dressed in a suit, heels, fabulous bag, and head out the door with perfume on. Everyday. Back then I took showers for granted, I hate myself for that.
However, every once in a while you will have that great day when both kids nap at the same time, and you have 2 whole hours to yourself. And in two hours.....anythings possible!! Keep in mind, you can't leave your house, but you might be able to shower, do some on-line shopping, win something fab on Ebay, watch some Tivo'd nonsense and enjoy an afternoon Espresso. I call this, "the perfect storm", and I will never take those days for granted.......Ever!
So here's to all you mom's out there who have showered faster than the pit crew changing a tire at a Nascar race. I get it, I impathize with it, and I can laugh about it. :)
