The vaca is winding down and coming to an end. I am spending the last morning on the balcony with my computer while my husband makes us another pot of coffee. It's not quite 7:30 am here, and we have already gone down, watched the sun rise, and played 9 holes of championship put put. I beat the pants off of him, and I will expect to get a winner's shoulder rub later from the loser himself. I won 7 of the 9 holes. :)
Our vacation has been the ultimate in relaxation. Something that we both desperately needed. It was so wonderful to just sit and read a book. I haven't done that since I was pregnant with Pig, and even then the only book I was reading was, Your Pregnancy Week by Week. A riveting read yes, but it was no F. Scott Fitzgerald. Our days in Mexico were spent mostly at the resort. We would wake up early and watch the sunrise on the beach somewhere with our little to-go coffee cups from the room, then we would come up and sit on the balcony until breakfast was to be served. One of the days I visited the spa, we ordered breakfast to our room and ate it on the balcony from the fabulous room service table that was wheeled in donned with a beautiful display fresh fruit and two Hot American Breakfasts. I love hanging the room service menu on the door......it might be one of my favorite things in the world. You order a delicious breakfast, you choose the time you would like it wheeled into your room, and then you fall asleep only to wake up to a, "knock knock knock, rrroom service." It's heaven!
I will miss our Luncheon Nachos that we took part in every day. We would eat at the beachside restaurant and order a heaping plate of delicious nachos piled high with juicy jalapenos and accompanied by a pina colada to cool things down. The restaurant would always serve a small dallup of frozen sorbet when you were finished with your meal. So scrumptious! Our nights were spent in wonderful restaurants eating great food and always looking at the main attraction.....the Pacific. After dinner we would find a chair on the beach and eat a Lindt chocolate bar while we looked at the stars and listened to the Ocean. Such a great time.
Of course, we checked on the Pig daily and relished in the wonderful reports. One day he got to play in the back yard on the deflated kiddy pool that was more like a slip and slide. He didn't get to just play on it, but he got to play on it completely naked! He hasn't had his Robeez on since he has been there. He went to Market on Saturday with Grandma and Grandpa and got his picture taken with Mr. Kesler behind the meat counter. He played with his 3 year old cousin Ally who I'm certain wore him out, and he hasn't had his binky in about 36 hours. He supposedly had so much blueberry compote the other morning with his heart shaped pancakes that his hands were stained blue for a good part of the day....his ears were also the wonderful shade. He supposedly looked perky and inquisitive when he heard my voice on the phone and when he looked at pictures of my husband and I. I can't wait to see him!!! I hope he gives me the biggest hug and the biggest open mouth slobber kiss ever!
Vacation is over, but I do get to ride on the plane with just my husband, and I get to see my sweet little baby angel tomorrow. What a great thing to come home to!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
The Spa
So I totally took advantage of being babyless and at a beautiful resort this week. Of course I had to go to the Spa at the Hotel since it was supposed to be fantastic! I planned to not get my toes done the week before I came, so I could sit and have them done In Mexican style at the Westin Cabo San Lucas. By the way, our room is fabulous! Our balcony looks out to the ocean, and we get to drift off to sleep and wake up each day to the rolling crashes of the ocean. It is soooo relaxing and so wonderful! Our room is fantastic.....bathroom is giant and just right. It is pure heaven.
I left my husband underneath a palm tree on a comfy lounge chair and headed for my long awaited and much needed mani-pedi. I arrived at the spa and was greeted warmly by a cute Mexican girl behind the marble desk situated in front of a huge pebbled water feature. I was to take a seat and wait for my therapist Ofelia. I did just that and she arrived within minutes. I started out down the corridor to the spa, and she said, "Senora, this way", and motioned me into a small room next to the front entrance. We walked in and I was underwhelmed by the maroon chairs and the nail salon feel of the place. The towels were once white, but now had a unexpected beige tone to them. They did have big beautiful fresh flowers strewn about that did perk up the outdated decor. It was a little warm in the room, and the pedicure chair was completely ancient. When she turned it on, it just vibrated in a way that would definitely make your ass feel like it did when you had an epidural.
She started on my hands first. They were in those little hand dips on the arm of the ancient chair. She stood up as she filed and pushed. It made me nervous for her. I wanted her to sit and do my nails. It had to suck to stand, but I just decided to not think about her, and to just relax. That was really my only option since there was no musica, no air conditioning, and no yellow journalism for me to indulge in. I just laid my Hermes scarf clad head back and relished in the relaxing quite. I opened my eyes as she moved over the right hand, and noticed something on the floor. Yeah, it was a Grande Lacucaracha!!! It was the biggest roach that I have ever seen.
I turned to her as to not appear completely horrified and said, "Lacucaracha." She looked down and jumped up to take care of the situation. I didn't want to embarrass her, but I also didn't want the Lacucaracha to get any closer to my bag. It brought me back to my Freshman year in High School when I was being fitted for a Quinsenera dress at a small house in Robstown, TX. My mom was with me, and the lady that was making all of the beautiful black velvet and cream satin dresses needed me to come out for my last fitting. I put on the lovely long sleeved yoke front and back dress and felt a little itch. I felt a little tickle in the sleeve, and then I looked at my hand to discover a huge roach was hiding in my dress, and had crawled down my arm and was finally resting on my hand. I remember seeing it and reacting without a scream or sound, but I flung it off of my hand, and that little bastard landed on the wall and scurried up to the ceiling! Gross!!! It all happened so fast that neither my mom or the dressmaker caught wind of the disgusting ordeal. I never said a word when we were in there, but when we got in the car I had to give off a huge creeped out shudder of grand and horrendous proportions! That is the last time I have had a roach on my person, and hopefully it will stay that way!
The roach in the spa didn't bother me too much....I was in Mexico after all. I was just glad it didn't fly on my or crawl over my newly polished toes. Musica finally did come on when it was time for my toes. It was a weird mix of Britany Spears and Robbie Williams, but I didn't mind it.
Today was redemption for the spa. I had a facial today, and was greeted by a very handsome tall and lean Mexican man. He was wearing a tight pink button down that was stylish and unbuttoned just enough. He lead me down the hallway I tried to go down the few days before. As we walked he asked me if I had ever seen the movie, You Have Email? I totally laughed inside of course. I told him I had, and he went on to tell me that I looked just like Meg Ryan. I thanked him and he handed me my locker key, #49. I got the heavenly facial, and it was just that! She was a master! I love Lucille! She rubbed and extracted ever so lightly, and then massaged and cleansed ever so perfectly. I loved it! My favorite part was when she gooped on something awfully thick. It was so thick and heavy that I had to restrain myself with all my being to not unearth my hands from the cozy blanket and touch it. I loved whatever it was, and I was praying that it would dry and she would peel it off in one fail swoop. My prayers were answered! She did just that, and I was so happy. I loved my facial and my time spent in the steam room after. Today was a good day. We are going to go into Cabo with a fun couple that we met from Texas. Hasta Luego Pendejos! :)
I left my husband underneath a palm tree on a comfy lounge chair and headed for my long awaited and much needed mani-pedi. I arrived at the spa and was greeted warmly by a cute Mexican girl behind the marble desk situated in front of a huge pebbled water feature. I was to take a seat and wait for my therapist Ofelia. I did just that and she arrived within minutes. I started out down the corridor to the spa, and she said, "Senora, this way", and motioned me into a small room next to the front entrance. We walked in and I was underwhelmed by the maroon chairs and the nail salon feel of the place. The towels were once white, but now had a unexpected beige tone to them. They did have big beautiful fresh flowers strewn about that did perk up the outdated decor. It was a little warm in the room, and the pedicure chair was completely ancient. When she turned it on, it just vibrated in a way that would definitely make your ass feel like it did when you had an epidural.
She started on my hands first. They were in those little hand dips on the arm of the ancient chair. She stood up as she filed and pushed. It made me nervous for her. I wanted her to sit and do my nails. It had to suck to stand, but I just decided to not think about her, and to just relax. That was really my only option since there was no musica, no air conditioning, and no yellow journalism for me to indulge in. I just laid my Hermes scarf clad head back and relished in the relaxing quite. I opened my eyes as she moved over the right hand, and noticed something on the floor. Yeah, it was a Grande Lacucaracha!!! It was the biggest roach that I have ever seen.
I turned to her as to not appear completely horrified and said, "Lacucaracha." She looked down and jumped up to take care of the situation. I didn't want to embarrass her, but I also didn't want the Lacucaracha to get any closer to my bag. It brought me back to my Freshman year in High School when I was being fitted for a Quinsenera dress at a small house in Robstown, TX. My mom was with me, and the lady that was making all of the beautiful black velvet and cream satin dresses needed me to come out for my last fitting. I put on the lovely long sleeved yoke front and back dress and felt a little itch. I felt a little tickle in the sleeve, and then I looked at my hand to discover a huge roach was hiding in my dress, and had crawled down my arm and was finally resting on my hand. I remember seeing it and reacting without a scream or sound, but I flung it off of my hand, and that little bastard landed on the wall and scurried up to the ceiling! Gross!!! It all happened so fast that neither my mom or the dressmaker caught wind of the disgusting ordeal. I never said a word when we were in there, but when we got in the car I had to give off a huge creeped out shudder of grand and horrendous proportions! That is the last time I have had a roach on my person, and hopefully it will stay that way!
The roach in the spa didn't bother me too much....I was in Mexico after all. I was just glad it didn't fly on my or crawl over my newly polished toes. Musica finally did come on when it was time for my toes. It was a weird mix of Britany Spears and Robbie Williams, but I didn't mind it.
Today was redemption for the spa. I had a facial today, and was greeted by a very handsome tall and lean Mexican man. He was wearing a tight pink button down that was stylish and unbuttoned just enough. He lead me down the hallway I tried to go down the few days before. As we walked he asked me if I had ever seen the movie, You Have Email? I totally laughed inside of course. I told him I had, and he went on to tell me that I looked just like Meg Ryan. I thanked him and he handed me my locker key, #49. I got the heavenly facial, and it was just that! She was a master! I love Lucille! She rubbed and extracted ever so lightly, and then massaged and cleansed ever so perfectly. I loved it! My favorite part was when she gooped on something awfully thick. It was so thick and heavy that I had to restrain myself with all my being to not unearth my hands from the cozy blanket and touch it. I loved whatever it was, and I was praying that it would dry and she would peel it off in one fail swoop. My prayers were answered! She did just that, and I was so happy. I loved my facial and my time spent in the steam room after. Today was a good day. We are going to go into Cabo with a fun couple that we met from Texas. Hasta Luego Pendejos! :)
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Mommy's in Mexico
So here I am, sitting in the Hotlanta airport with my wonderful husband and no baby! I can't believe it! We are on our way to Cabo San Lucas, and my sweet little Pigpen is in PA eating cheerios with his Grandma and Aunt Emily. Sitting here feels so sheik and fabulous. I'm dressed in a my white Seven for all Mankind straightleg jeans, Giant Stuart Weitzman wedges, a very modern yet cool looking long coral top, my casual but always in style Calvin Klein bluejean jacket, and a long white scarf is tied once around the back of the neck and flowing down my back as I walk through the airport gingerly with my LV Never Full bag on one shoulder, and my new scrumptious leather clutch under the other arm. Venti no water Chai latte in one hand, and absolutely nothing in the other. No stroller, no diapers or snotty kleenexes in the carryon bag....only my gold Manolo Flip Flops, a cute summer dress, a bikini with cover up, some magazines, my eye mask, ipod, earplugs, and of course...snacks.
How liberating! Of course I can't stop thinking of that sweet little Pig. I already called Grandma for the morning report. His 3 year old cousin Ally woke him up way earlier than he's used to, 6:45am. They had already played with each other, and the Pig had already done a few loops with the vacuum, and they were all sitting around having some breakfast. He is having a ball so far. He slept like a rock and woke up all smiles. He loves the dog, and hasn't even developed big blotchy red spots on his face yet. He usually gets those from dogs. I can't believe I miss him so much. I totally made them send me a photo of him before we got on the plane. He was in his Paul Smith PJ's all smiles with a tray full of Cheerios and Murphy, the pug, at his side. It may rain tomorrow, but mommy will be getting pampered in the hotel spa, so bring it on. I can't wait to see what our room looks like at the Westin. I love that damn heavenly bed! Mommy and Daddy are on their first vacation without the Pig for 5 days!!!!!
How liberating! Of course I can't stop thinking of that sweet little Pig. I already called Grandma for the morning report. His 3 year old cousin Ally woke him up way earlier than he's used to, 6:45am. They had already played with each other, and the Pig had already done a few loops with the vacuum, and they were all sitting around having some breakfast. He is having a ball so far. He slept like a rock and woke up all smiles. He loves the dog, and hasn't even developed big blotchy red spots on his face yet. He usually gets those from dogs. I can't believe I miss him so much. I totally made them send me a photo of him before we got on the plane. He was in his Paul Smith PJ's all smiles with a tray full of Cheerios and Murphy, the pug, at his side. It may rain tomorrow, but mommy will be getting pampered in the hotel spa, so bring it on. I can't wait to see what our room looks like at the Westin. I love that damn heavenly bed! Mommy and Daddy are on their first vacation without the Pig for 5 days!!!!!
Friday, June 19, 2009
Flying Baby Angel
So I just got back from Texas yesterday where I had a wonderful time with my family. The Pig and I stayed for a week and a half and had a blast. I got lucky on the way down in that the better half had to go to Austin to take care of our condo, so we got to fly down as a happy little family of three. The flight down was good. We even had a two hour delay in Chicago, and that was fine. Not the greatest, but totally fine. Pigpen was a baby angel on each flight. He was happy and sleepy, and we all know that is the best type of baby on a plane.
Our two hour layover consisted of me walking behind the Pig all around the airport. I showed him the old plane in the roof, we went to the Spirit of the Red Horse, he rode on my shoulders and drooled in my hair, we rode the people mover about six times!! It was great! All the while my husband sat with our stuff and read his father's book. Once I got tired of chasing the Pig, I took him to his daddy and said, "your turn!" He played with the Pig, I ate some Ben & Jerry's put on my Ray-Ban Wayfarers, and took a little nap. All was dandy!
The way home......not so much! It was just me, the Pig, and our stroller BOB. The morning started out with a bit of a hiccup. I knew my bag was heavy, but I didn't know that it had gained 16 pds. It weighed 60.5 lbs. I knew that it felt awfully full when I was packing all my new purchases and gifts. I found a fabulous pair of Tory Burch dark chocolate riding boots for an amazing price, so yeah, I totally got them. Then I spotted the most beautifully delicious leather clutch at Neiman Marcus for another amazing price. It spoke to me in ways I can't explain, so I bought. I also found a great pair of Stuart Weitzman summer wedges that will sass up any old sundress or pair of short shorts. I own them now. I guess all of that added some weight to the old suitcase. I decided to carry the clutch with me in the airport instead of my Speedy Bag, so the Speedy and much of it's contents was then banished to the case as well. They usually don't charge me when I'm over, but we haven't been that heavy since college days. The lady asked me if I wanted to take any weight out, and I said, "no". She then asked me if I had a bag inside that I could pack some in, "no". (I had my Damier Azur Speedy bag that would have been stolen in five seconds, so no.) She looked at me and said, "Girl, you funny; I'm sorry, but I have to charge you." I didn't hesitate; I just handed her my credit card and said, "my husband is going to kill me", in hopes to get a break, but no dice. She did however, carry my bag and carseat to the x-ray machine for me.
I then roll up to the security check point, and this young Hispanic guy lets me into the family lane as he asks me, "Is it just you today?" I replied with a, "yes, unless you want to fly with me and help me with this thing, pointing to the Pig." He said, "I would go anywhere with you," as he looked at me way too long, and way too uncomfortable like. Gross!!! I shuffled passed him and headed to the belt. I placed my Jimmy Choo flats first on the belt, then I put my new fabulous clutch in one bin along with my scarf, jacket, and liquids; huge diaper bag in another bin. After all that was squared away, I took the Pig out of the stroller and placed him on the floor as I folded up the Bob. A prayed that it would fit through the hole without having to take the wheels off, but not dice. The wheels had to come off. No big deal, except that there was a "non-family" boarder behind me acting impatient. I'm sorry, but you don't come to the family boarding line and get huffy with people dealing with strollers and kids. You can march your happy ass over to the normal person line and get huffy with the elderly, but don't come into my line and act impatient......I'll break your legs! We made it through without beeping, and I managed to put the wheels back on the stroller all whilst holding the Pig. I managed to put my shoes on, scarf and jacket on, and do the stroller all with a baby on my hip. I know the people in the food court had to be impressed. I then grabbed my sensible clutch and diaper bag and headed to the gate. I stopped off at Starbucks for a chai latte, and a horrible 5 day old sandwich. I knew we weren't getting off of the plane in Orlando, so I had to buy something to eat.....the five day old nastiness was all there was.
Once we got the gate, I went to the kiddy table area, and made a barricade with the stroller, the diaper bag, and the doctor's office table maze. That worked for about five seconds until the Pig realized that he could crawl under the stroller to get out and walk down the main hallway. We played escaping baby about fifteen times. All the time I was praying that the nice lady sitting close to me with her own Louis Vuitton bag was nice enough to keep an eye on my LV diaper bag sitting on the floor as a barricade. I lucked out.....nothing was stolen, and the Pig had fun. It's so much easier with two people!
We boarded the plane between boarding groups A and B. I let the other families go in front of me since they had been staked out in that spot for about an hour. It was 3 giant Mexican families of about 6 people each......are you kidding me! We got on the plane, and realized that the other 3 families had pretty much commandeered the back half of the plane. I spotted a nice looking blond headed girl in row six that I decided to bunk up with. I told her that he was usually a good flyer, and I think that was the beginning of the end.
He was not a good boy at all!!! It was like I had traded my baby angel for the spawn of Satan. He screamed, he grunted, he squealed, he kicked, he cried! I wanted to die! He would not fall asleep until he made me crazy. I could feel my ears getting hot, and those little jolts of tension shooting up the back of my neck. I decided to take a deep breath, put on my invisible blinders.....not worry about anyone else but the Pig. I finally got him to go to sleep. Finally, some solice! Don't get me wrong, he wasn't screaming at the top of his lungs, and he probably wasn't bothering anyone outside of the three rows by me, but I was wanting to kill myself regardless. The "bitchy" flight attendant came by and said, "he was really fighting it, I'm glad to see he finally went to sleep so you could get a break." I wanted to Donkey punch her, but I was too afraid I would wake up the Crazy Spawn.
Once he was asleep I didn't dare move. My right buttcheek was completely numb, and the bones in my elbow were slowly shattering on the armrest, but I didn't move a muscle. But then, that, I have to go to the bathroom right this minute, feeling hit me. I realized that I had forgotten to go to the bathroom before I boarded the plane, and there was no way I would make it 5 more hours....no way! I knew that was my only chance, so I made an executive decision that my bladder was very happy about....I had to go! The bathroom was free, and the Pig was zonked from his rediculous behavior. I moved him into the empty seat, and asked the nice blond if she would keep an eye on him while I ran to the bathroom. She smiled through the fear in her eyes and said of course, so I jumped up and headed for the john. I got there and holy crap, it was occupied! I wasn't allowed to wait up there, so I had to go back to my seat. I just stood there at my seat as to tell everyone behind row 6 that I was next in line for the bathroom hands down! Of course, there was a little old lady in there that took about 10 minutes!!! Once she was done, I made a run for it, and peed like the wind!
We landed in Orlando, and I wanted so badly to get off of the plane, but no dice. I did move up a row, so that I could get Pig by the window in hopes that would squash his undying need to walk down the aisle when the plane was in the air and the fasten seatbelt sign was alluminated. It was lunch time when we landed, so I let him look out the window while I dug in the cavernous bag for his food. As I turned my back for one second, I heard a big thud, and looked to see Pigpen on the floor under the seat in front of him! Shit! Are you kidding me! He's never fallen off of the bed or sofa, but he falls off of the seat in the airplane where people can see!!!! I felt like the mother of the year! Of course he cried because it scared the shit out of him, and I felt terrible. Once I got him calmed down, he started to eat. He hit his food, and it splattered all over the wall and all over the seat belt! Once I got that cleaned up, he wanted to take a bite and then stand up and smear his dirty face all over the window! Needless to say.....I was dreaming of a cemetary plot. I spread my crap out everywhere as to tell the oncoming passengers that the isle seat next to me was not up for grabs! We lucked out with a row to ourselves and luckily he slept for most of the second flight. God was answering my prayers! I finally had a chance to eat my disgusting 5 day old sandwich and actually drink something besides water. I had a cranberry juice cocktail......it was pure heaven. I even got to read a little bit of my new Lucky magazine that had been in my diaper bag. The magazine had fallen victim to water damage and each page was stuck together, but it didn't matter. He was asleep, and that's all I could ask for!!!
We got to Providence and met up with Daddy. He had a Grande Chai Latte for me, and big strong open arms for the Pig! I informed him that he must remind me of this flight if I ever think of flying all the way across the US by myself again! I won't do it I say!!!!
Our two hour layover consisted of me walking behind the Pig all around the airport. I showed him the old plane in the roof, we went to the Spirit of the Red Horse, he rode on my shoulders and drooled in my hair, we rode the people mover about six times!! It was great! All the while my husband sat with our stuff and read his father's book. Once I got tired of chasing the Pig, I took him to his daddy and said, "your turn!" He played with the Pig, I ate some Ben & Jerry's put on my Ray-Ban Wayfarers, and took a little nap. All was dandy!
The way home......not so much! It was just me, the Pig, and our stroller BOB. The morning started out with a bit of a hiccup. I knew my bag was heavy, but I didn't know that it had gained 16 pds. It weighed 60.5 lbs. I knew that it felt awfully full when I was packing all my new purchases and gifts. I found a fabulous pair of Tory Burch dark chocolate riding boots for an amazing price, so yeah, I totally got them. Then I spotted the most beautifully delicious leather clutch at Neiman Marcus for another amazing price. It spoke to me in ways I can't explain, so I bought. I also found a great pair of Stuart Weitzman summer wedges that will sass up any old sundress or pair of short shorts. I own them now. I guess all of that added some weight to the old suitcase. I decided to carry the clutch with me in the airport instead of my Speedy Bag, so the Speedy and much of it's contents was then banished to the case as well. They usually don't charge me when I'm over, but we haven't been that heavy since college days. The lady asked me if I wanted to take any weight out, and I said, "no". She then asked me if I had a bag inside that I could pack some in, "no". (I had my Damier Azur Speedy bag that would have been stolen in five seconds, so no.) She looked at me and said, "Girl, you funny; I'm sorry, but I have to charge you." I didn't hesitate; I just handed her my credit card and said, "my husband is going to kill me", in hopes to get a break, but no dice. She did however, carry my bag and carseat to the x-ray machine for me.
I then roll up to the security check point, and this young Hispanic guy lets me into the family lane as he asks me, "Is it just you today?" I replied with a, "yes, unless you want to fly with me and help me with this thing, pointing to the Pig." He said, "I would go anywhere with you," as he looked at me way too long, and way too uncomfortable like. Gross!!! I shuffled passed him and headed to the belt. I placed my Jimmy Choo flats first on the belt, then I put my new fabulous clutch in one bin along with my scarf, jacket, and liquids; huge diaper bag in another bin. After all that was squared away, I took the Pig out of the stroller and placed him on the floor as I folded up the Bob. A prayed that it would fit through the hole without having to take the wheels off, but not dice. The wheels had to come off. No big deal, except that there was a "non-family" boarder behind me acting impatient. I'm sorry, but you don't come to the family boarding line and get huffy with people dealing with strollers and kids. You can march your happy ass over to the normal person line and get huffy with the elderly, but don't come into my line and act impatient......I'll break your legs! We made it through without beeping, and I managed to put the wheels back on the stroller all whilst holding the Pig. I managed to put my shoes on, scarf and jacket on, and do the stroller all with a baby on my hip. I know the people in the food court had to be impressed. I then grabbed my sensible clutch and diaper bag and headed to the gate. I stopped off at Starbucks for a chai latte, and a horrible 5 day old sandwich. I knew we weren't getting off of the plane in Orlando, so I had to buy something to eat.....the five day old nastiness was all there was.
Once we got the gate, I went to the kiddy table area, and made a barricade with the stroller, the diaper bag, and the doctor's office table maze. That worked for about five seconds until the Pig realized that he could crawl under the stroller to get out and walk down the main hallway. We played escaping baby about fifteen times. All the time I was praying that the nice lady sitting close to me with her own Louis Vuitton bag was nice enough to keep an eye on my LV diaper bag sitting on the floor as a barricade. I lucked out.....nothing was stolen, and the Pig had fun. It's so much easier with two people!
We boarded the plane between boarding groups A and B. I let the other families go in front of me since they had been staked out in that spot for about an hour. It was 3 giant Mexican families of about 6 people each......are you kidding me! We got on the plane, and realized that the other 3 families had pretty much commandeered the back half of the plane. I spotted a nice looking blond headed girl in row six that I decided to bunk up with. I told her that he was usually a good flyer, and I think that was the beginning of the end.
He was not a good boy at all!!! It was like I had traded my baby angel for the spawn of Satan. He screamed, he grunted, he squealed, he kicked, he cried! I wanted to die! He would not fall asleep until he made me crazy. I could feel my ears getting hot, and those little jolts of tension shooting up the back of my neck. I decided to take a deep breath, put on my invisible blinders.....not worry about anyone else but the Pig. I finally got him to go to sleep. Finally, some solice! Don't get me wrong, he wasn't screaming at the top of his lungs, and he probably wasn't bothering anyone outside of the three rows by me, but I was wanting to kill myself regardless. The "bitchy" flight attendant came by and said, "he was really fighting it, I'm glad to see he finally went to sleep so you could get a break." I wanted to Donkey punch her, but I was too afraid I would wake up the Crazy Spawn.
Once he was asleep I didn't dare move. My right buttcheek was completely numb, and the bones in my elbow were slowly shattering on the armrest, but I didn't move a muscle. But then, that, I have to go to the bathroom right this minute, feeling hit me. I realized that I had forgotten to go to the bathroom before I boarded the plane, and there was no way I would make it 5 more hours....no way! I knew that was my only chance, so I made an executive decision that my bladder was very happy about....I had to go! The bathroom was free, and the Pig was zonked from his rediculous behavior. I moved him into the empty seat, and asked the nice blond if she would keep an eye on him while I ran to the bathroom. She smiled through the fear in her eyes and said of course, so I jumped up and headed for the john. I got there and holy crap, it was occupied! I wasn't allowed to wait up there, so I had to go back to my seat. I just stood there at my seat as to tell everyone behind row 6 that I was next in line for the bathroom hands down! Of course, there was a little old lady in there that took about 10 minutes!!! Once she was done, I made a run for it, and peed like the wind!
We landed in Orlando, and I wanted so badly to get off of the plane, but no dice. I did move up a row, so that I could get Pig by the window in hopes that would squash his undying need to walk down the aisle when the plane was in the air and the fasten seatbelt sign was alluminated. It was lunch time when we landed, so I let him look out the window while I dug in the cavernous bag for his food. As I turned my back for one second, I heard a big thud, and looked to see Pigpen on the floor under the seat in front of him! Shit! Are you kidding me! He's never fallen off of the bed or sofa, but he falls off of the seat in the airplane where people can see!!!! I felt like the mother of the year! Of course he cried because it scared the shit out of him, and I felt terrible. Once I got him calmed down, he started to eat. He hit his food, and it splattered all over the wall and all over the seat belt! Once I got that cleaned up, he wanted to take a bite and then stand up and smear his dirty face all over the window! Needless to say.....I was dreaming of a cemetary plot. I spread my crap out everywhere as to tell the oncoming passengers that the isle seat next to me was not up for grabs! We lucked out with a row to ourselves and luckily he slept for most of the second flight. God was answering my prayers! I finally had a chance to eat my disgusting 5 day old sandwich and actually drink something besides water. I had a cranberry juice cocktail......it was pure heaven. I even got to read a little bit of my new Lucky magazine that had been in my diaper bag. The magazine had fallen victim to water damage and each page was stuck together, but it didn't matter. He was asleep, and that's all I could ask for!!!
We got to Providence and met up with Daddy. He had a Grande Chai Latte for me, and big strong open arms for the Pig! I informed him that he must remind me of this flight if I ever think of flying all the way across the US by myself again! I won't do it I say!!!!
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