Mothering Magazine

If you are ever in the checkout line at Whole Foods looking at all of the magazines....don't pick up "Mothering". Don't be drawn in by the cool looking couple on the front cover strolling through a park with a Chinese paper parasol. Don't let it draw you in with it's catchy title that says, "inspiring natural families since 1976".

I try to be "green", and I try to feed my family organic food. I nursed my son until he bit me at 7 months, and then was so liberated to be done. I try and make a geisha size carbon footprint on the earth, but I learned from looking through this magazine, that I don't take it to the next level.

I learned this when I got home from Whole Foods, put Pigpen in his crib for a nap and plopped down on the sofa with my shiny new $6 magazine. It was the "special pregnancy edition", so I couldn't wait to tear into it. I was going to read about "Real Birth stories from Real families like mine" so I can get in the right mindset to do this thing again. I was also excited to read about an eco-baby shower. I was most interested in the "does it hurt, how to minimize pain in labor" section. I remember that it hurt like a bitch before I got my epidural.

The next level would start with nursing. I don't really think it's beautiful. I think it is a little weird, and the furthest thing from glamorous there is. I did it for a long time, but I did it because it was what my body was made to do, and I was able to do it. So many of my friends tried, but couldn't, so I nursed for my son, my waistline, and for those who could not. I did nurse in the most unlikely of places.....the parking lot at Target, the bathroom at Neiman Marcus, a park bench in Concord, MA, at the Hyde Park restaurant in Austin. However, when I nursed I was always fully covered, yes, most likely sweating my ass off, but always fully covered and never too offensive.

The people in the "Mothering" magazine would shun me! These ladies are the type who would never own a Chanel anything, most likely have hairy armpits, and would think I was horrible to cover up such a miracle. Miracle shmiracle.....I don't want anyone to see that shit.....I didn't even like my husband to see it because it's weird. The ladies in this magazine sent in pictures of babies suckling on there big long breasts......I wanted to vomit!

Then, the article about "Real Birth Stories" were about home deliveries, and well, we all know how I feel about that. I love my Frette linens, and I don't want them anywhere near anything that has to do with actual labor! YUCK and a half! I was a little thrown off by the home birth lady's hairstyle. She had her hair in two french braids. Her hippie husband probably did it for her after he set up the indoor inflatable pool for there delivery session. I know that sounds horrible, but good Lord! I think home birth is crazy, and I think cloth diapers are gross, there I said it! I'm green, but I too have limits. Those limits include nursing in private, and disposing of crap filled diapers the good old fashion way. At least I don't throw them out of the car window.