Skiing is such a funny thing. Ski clothes aren't the most fashionable clothes on earth.....it really should be more about function than fashion, but it's nice to splash in a few nice touches. I remember my first time to ever go skiing, well maybe it was my fourth time. My first time I was about 4 years old, and wore a navy blue one piece that had red apples for pockets. It was actually really cute. However, I'm actually thinking back to high school skiing. I wore a bright purple bib that was made out of shiny thick spandex with a white turtleneck, pink Columbia jacket, RayBan aviators, a high ponytail, and a cashmere ear-warmer headband. No wonder I was absolutely freezing! But, hey, my little high school ass looked good. That's probably because it was literally freezing off.....
Now a days, I wear some black Burton snowboard pants, a hooded powder blue Marmot jacket that is water resistant, ski goggles, and now......a helmet. I usually wear a white Prada ski cap, but this year we had to trade that in for a dorky helmet. I did fancy things up with my wool Missoni scarf. That was a great idea until it was snowing like a bastard, and I had to choose function over fashion. I had to decide if I wanted to have my lower face freeze off, or if I wanted to possibly get red lip gloss on my scarf. I chose to get lip gloss on my scarf since I didn't pack my La Mer face cream. It was snowing in our faces, and my scarf was getting stinkier by the minute. The frozen snot and slobbersicles were not what I had in mind. The smell of a sweaty mountain goat was also an unpleasant feature due to the Italian wool that Missoni uses. Dammit. Sometimes we sacrifice for fashion.
I was proud of my outfit until we got to the ski lodge for lunch, and I was forced to stand at the Bratwurst grill with Gisele Bundchen's first cousin. This girl was tall skinny, and had her perfect hair in two perfect little braids. She was wearing the perfect black bib. It was tight in all the right places with a boot cut leg that only made her long skinny model legs look like something that had been digitally retouched. I felt like a dumpy mom in my Burton snow board pants that have a mom jean waste.....I swear, it comes up to my ribs! My hair was kind of like the monster from Where the Wild Things Are.....due to my dorky helmet. Oh well. Whatever!
Anywho, so we had a great time, and were on our way home when we got slapped with a two hour delay on our connecting flight. We found a great little spot away from most of the travelers. We were behind one of the gate counters in a small row of four seats separated by a little table. We blocked off one passage with the stroller, and the other way was blocked by Daddy's feet. We totally let the Pig crawl around the disgusting airport floor like a maniac......he loved it! He loved it so much that he took a big dump in his pants......I'm talking big dump. We both looked at each other and said, "well, it will be easier if we both do it, and no one will see us.....that table is the perfect little spot..."
Yeah, we totally did it! We changed our baby's shitty diaper on that little white table that separates the seats in the gate area. I of course put a changing pad down, and was completely diligent about keeping the poo contained, but we did what I thought I would never do in public. Three years ago, I probably would have called Airport Security on the family doing such a horrific thing, but now........everything has changed.....oh yes, everything has changed.
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