I wanted to look nice for my hubby since I mostly have on "lounge wear" that inevitably has crusty little snot smears on both shoulders from the Pig. I decided that the Birthentine dinner would be the perfect opportunity to break out the new D&G pencil skirt and the fishnet Spanks that have been sitting in my closet since two Halloweens ago. I wore a a black sheer top with oversized sleeves and modern tailoring, the fabulous Dolce pencil skirt, the fishnets, and some great Stuart Weitzman pumps. Chanel bag, slate grey pashmina, and a short Audreyesque wool coat.
It was the night before Valentine's Day, so I didn't think I would be overdressed. I was. The restaurant was really nice, but most of the patrons had on sensible flat soled ugly shoes, chinos, and North Face coats....gross! Dress up Bostonians! Talbots is not that fancy! Anyway, I should mention that the skirt I was wearing has an exposed zipper in the back that runs from the top to the bottom. Thus, you zip it up to put it on, and it has another zipper head that goes from the bottom of the skirt that you can zip up as well. So, you can pull the lower zipper head down for a snug, "can't really walk that well" look, or you can zip it up for a, "okay I can actually take a step" look. I had it zipped up just about 3 inches. The skirt is a long knee length pencil skirt that fits like a glove.
Okay, so, we got to the restaurant, and found a place at the bar.....the bar was small and super crowded, so the nice Bostonian patrons had to move a bit to make room for us which was really nice. I climbed onto the bar stool gingerly with my tight skirt, and we sat there for about a minute before I realized that there was an unusual breeze in my assul region. I decided to check the zipper on my skirt and that is when I wanted to DIE!!!
The bottom zipper had zipped all the way up to mid crack! OMG! There were 3 tables of diners behind me! OMG! I quickly levitated for a few seconds and was able to pull the zipper down to at least under my ass! Holy Shit! Who saw, could they all see? I was dying! I told my husband that my ass had just been hanging out for a good minute or so, and he responded with a giggled, "oh no".
I wonder if anyone would have told me, or if they would have just sat there and talked about me? Thank God I had on the fishnet Spanks! They have a black control top on them that looks like black biker shorts......thank God! Can you imagine if my thong clad ass was just hanging out on the stool for all of the chino wearers to see? Die!
My embarrassment was all but forgotten when Ming Tsai walked out. I was so excited to see him that I looked at him like I knew him......well, I did, I used to watch East Meets West when I was in college. He came over to talk since he thought he was supposed to know who I was. I didn't tell him that I was the overdressed chick that almost flashed her ass to his Lounge-goers. We had a nice little chat with him and ordered what he suggested. It was fabulous! I am a new fan of his restaurant. We will definitely go back, and I will dress just as nice.....because it's what you should do! However, I learned a good lesson about the Dolce pencil skirt. Do not wear it out dancing. That could be way worse than any barstool mishap!
1 comment:
OMG, that is hilarious. I see London, I see France...
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