The Smears

You may think, what are "the smears"? Well, I'll tell you. The smears are what happens to you when you are about to walk out the door. The smears are given by small beings under 3 feet tall. They are most prevalent in the winter time, but they can pop up in the summer time as well. I was "smeared" today as I was headed out the door for the gym.

I took a shower this morning, which is unheard of, but I had a playdate directly after the gym, so I needed to look and smell a bit more presentable than I normally do. We were about to head out the door for our day, and boom.....smear. I was wearing a pair of black Lululemon workout pants, and a black tank top. My sweet little Pig is getting his molars right now, so he has had a grody nose for about 2 weeks. It comes and goes, and this morning it was coming baby! He had the biggest two snot rockets of life, and he was headed straight for me at warp speed. Before I could stop him, he had his head buried in my legs about 3 inches below my crotchels, and he had both arms around my legs as he moved his head back and forth in a, "I love you so much mommy, and I'm so glad my face is clean" kind of way. It was great! Sweet, but not so sweet when I looked down at my pants. I had two smashed in yellow smears on my clean black pants. I wiped them off with a wet cloth, and then picked him up. (A paper towel is not recommended for a smear on black....it only makes it worse.) As soon as I did this, he sneezed like his Papa Pat and proceeded to get more smears on my black tank! At this point, I was completely smeared! I wondered if I was a contestant on Double Dare, or if I was filming an episode of, You Can't Do That on Television, but then I came back to earth.

With no time to change my clothes, I attacked the new smears with the same wet cloth. It did the trick....sortof. It always looks like you got it when it is wet, but they usually dry with a bit of evidence still visible. Smears are like a small badge of courage that you get for being a parent. Smears can appear virtually anywhere on the body, but tend to be the most prevalent in the upper thigh region, and the shoulder region. Like I mentioned before, smears are usually more frequent in the winter months. You can go to story time at the library and see moms walking around with faint smears on their shoulders and pant legs. It's a way to display the fact that you have someone in your house about two feet tall who loves you, and loves to show you that with a leg squeeze and a face rub. My little Pig could probably make the Guinness Book of World Records with his quick shoulder smears. I'm getting better at attacking them. This happens when the child has a dirty nose and decides to smear it onto your shoulder before you can get the tissue anywhere close to their face. I have developed certain Karate like moves to block these, but it doesn't work all the time. Sometimes he is just too fast.

So here's to all those mom's out there right now walking around with a sweet smear somewhere on your body, and here's a double props to those of your who don't even know about the big one on the back of your pants. Good job moms! Here's to us!