Fashionyousta

Yeah, that's what I feel like lately....not a Fahionista, but a Fashionyousta. That is a person that used to be a Fashionista....a high heel wearing clutch carrying, long necklace sporting fashionista. I was reminded of this as I scanned Rachel Zoe's picks on Piperlime.com. All the boots are so high....they go over the knee and up the thigh. I actually had a pair of black suede thigh high boots when I was a freshman in High School. I wore them in London with a blazer and leggings, and then I busted them out a few years later for a Sadie Hawkins dance with my boyfriend my Junior Year. I think the teachers at his school thought I worked at Legs....the local titty bar. But, I said it back then, and I'll say it now; they can take their math number embroidered sweater cardigans and shove them up their ass. Yeah, I said it!

Of course I feel less fashionable since I am obviously pregnant, and my ass is growing faster than that little bean we all planted in a Styrofoam cup in grade school, but I know it's all worth it, and with yesterday's fabulous news, I also know that I don't ever have to gain this much weight again! You may think yeah right, it's too hard to stay skinny, but you haven't seen my closet and my fabulous jean collection. I only got to wear the Dolce pencil skirt twice! I have to get back into it! My best friend came to visit me from California, and I made her try it on with a cute little white button down with ruffles down the front when she was here. I just wanted to see what I would look like again some day. I always make her try on stuff at my house when I am knocked up! I bought the cutest Chloe jacket last time I was 8 months pregnant. It was going to be a jacket for the fall in Boston. It was a light chambray color and it had the most fabulous little white buttons all down the front. The jacket was long and had a skirt-like look that cinched in at he waist and flared out ever so deliciously. The jacket said, "I'm way to fabulous for a trench!" It was a size 4, and I wasn't sure that it was going to fit when I was back to normal. I made her try it on, and it looked too big, so I took it back. I miss it! I could be wearing it right now!

As I gazed at the thigh high leather boots on the Piperlime website, I was reminded of my lovely Tory Burch riding boots that I bought a few months ago. Those bastards better go over my calves come fall! Last time I was pregnant I was banished to buying only shoes and handbags. I refused to spend money on Maternity stuff! I bought all my official maternity gear at Target and Old Navy, so I supplemented that with Manolos and Miu Miu for my feet and shoulders. My dear friend Ginger came to visit me when I was about 7 months along, and we had to go shoe shopping. We love to try on the most fabulous, most outrageous, and most expensive shoes we can find. We strap them up and then walk over to one another and say, "what do you think, is it a must?", and then we die laughing (quietly of course) at the price.

I will never forget the hour we spent in the Neiman Marcus special markdown suite; she tried on the most gorgeous Gucci pumps. They were royal blue sequins all over! I tried on a pair of gray suede high heel Cole Haan boots. They were fab! They had tassels on the top....it was like something JLo would were with a white Fox fur. I paraded my pregnant ass around in them until I decided to get them, and then I sat down and realized that I couldn't get the damn things off! I tried with all my might, and this only made me break a small sweat. I looked at her and said, "you're gonna have to pull." She pulled, I pointed and flexed, she pulled, I thought skinny calf thoughts.....she pulled, and then we just had to laugh! I thought we were going to have to get the Jaws of Life to get the suede boots off! By then, I was laughing so hard I was crying, and I had visible sweat sprouting up on my upper lip! After we caught our breath, and I tried to separate my skin from the leather lining, we finally got the stupid things off. Of course I bought them anyway. I just thought I would wear them on really cold nights......you know......so my calves would be smaller.

It worked, I wore them to several parties, and I can wear them now, well a few months ago with no problem. I swear! I love fall fashions! I love them so much! I love getting the giant extra thick In Style and Vogue with Fall fashions exploding off of every page! It makes me think of the first day of school, and how I would plan out my outfits for the whole first week! The preppy look is always in when fall hits....it doen't matter what year! It makes me want to wear wide leg khaki pants and a Ralph Lauren Button up with a fabulous tweed blazer toped off with a pageboy hat and fingerless gloves! I loved it! I know my husband is super happy about my new Fashionyousta status.

I guess I have the rest of my life to sport some fabulous fall fashions. This is the last fall that I ever have to be knocked up. I will say that it does make it a lot easier knowing that my wardrobe sucks and my ass is getting wider for a sweet little baby girl. If she is anything like my son, I will be the luckiest woman on earth, and I will at least have a good handbag to sport with it.