Hi everyone! I'm back! It's Sunday night, and I had the beautifully fabulous Zady Wren on Monday at 3:26 in the afternoon. That's right; the delivery was fast and furious, and everything that I hoped for. It all started with a fabulous dinner at my favorite restaurant, Uchi. It's a swanky sushi bar in Austin that is always crowded and always delicious. I strolled in dressed in my fab coat with my beautiful little Chanel bag over my shoulder ready to eat sushi and champagne. We sat at the sushi bar and ordered tons of wonderful rolls from Justin the sushi maker. I had a glass of my favorite bubbly, and was glad that my back was turned to most of the restaurant patrons since I was obviously pregnant in the sushi bar drinking a glass of champagne. I did feel like I was getting the stink eye from people, but really in truly the patrons in that establishment would most likely champion my last meal.
After that we headed to Georgetown to spend the night with my Aunt and Uncle. I got some pretty good sleep on their tempurpedic mattress, and woke up to an exciting day. There was only one hiccup in the morning. My aunt told me that she usually eats cereal over plain oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast.....sounds yum, so I totally looked forward to it. I woke up, got dressed: makeup, hair, cute outfit, and then headed to the kitchen where I was met with the explosive diarrhea breakfast of champions. The cereal was Fiber One, the yogurt was Activia, and the blueberries, well......those were the only non "help you shit" food in that concoction. I smiled and thought, oh well, I guess I won't be the first. I've never had Activia before, and I don't need to eat Fiber One, so I was a bit concerned, and wondered if I should warn my nurse of the impending explosion that could take place. Hmmmm.
We got the hospital and were checked in by the two nicest ladies in the world. Their excitement was palpable, and it was like it was jumping off of them and landing on me. By the time we got up to the Delivery Floor I was like a giddy little girl, well, a giddy big girl. We walked by the desk and were greeted with a friendly familiar smile. It was Ed, the man that we requested to deliver Pigpen. He did our hospital tour over a year ago, and we really loved him. As we walked past him, I thought to myself, "I would be the luckiest girl in the world if I could have him as my nurse." I figured it was definitely not going to happen, and that some other lucky girl had already snatched him up. An Asian lady greeted us as we we emerged from the security door, and motioned us into our room like an tour guide from Disney. She mumbled something in broken English, and I thought, "oh good Lord please don't give me a nurse that I can't understand." The Lord heard me and in popped Ed. She introduced him like he was a celebrity in labor and delivery, and we were both sooooo happy.
We took a few funny photos as our excitement levels grew and grew....Ed came in the room when I was laid out on the windowsill in a sitting position, with legs out, one knee up, arms behind my back supporting me, just like my 8th grade basketball picture. He laughed and insisted on taking a photo of the two of us before I had to change into the fabulous designer hospital gown. Once you put on that gown you start to realize the heaviness of the situation, and the reality of the task at hand. That's when it really starts to set in that you have to push a small child out of your hooha.
So, I was laying in the bed answering some questions about my medical history and general info.......no IV yet, no drugs, no excuses. I say no excuses because I was laying there and answering questions when one of the loudest most horrible farts slipped out with no warning. My eyes grew big, my heart beat kicked up a few notches, and I could feel my face growing hotter and hotter. I couldn't ignore it, and neither could he! It was so ridiculously loud! I looked at him with my wide eyed red face and said, "holy crap! Excuse me......that was terrible." He said, "don't worry, it happens all the time." I responded with a, "yeah, but not to me....I don't usually just fart in public like an 80 year old man." I was absolutely mortified.......I was laughing and my eyes were welling up with tears as the embarrassment and hilarity of the situation set in. That really set the tone for the day..........the giant loud fart!!!!
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