Shitty Day

This one is for you Michelle.

Our morning routine is, wake up, mommy has cereal, Pigpen crawls around, Pigpen eats, Pigpen poops, Pigpen gets a new diaper and a daily outfit.  The other day we were following the routine to a tea until Pigpen didn't just poop, he exploded!!!

It was everywhere!  Under my nails, on his side, back, hands, the changing table.  I was screaming and trying to breath only through my mouth as I used almost an entire box of wipes. It was a doozy!  So, we decided to go and get a sink bath.  This was the fastest I have ever gotten the sink ready.  I say sink because we have no tub in the damn house!

The sink has no stopper, so we stop it up with a bottle stopper for the baby bottle and a Tupperware bowl for his food.  I cleaned him off as much as I could, and carried him downstairs with only a diaper on.....he had the diaper on, I had flannel PJs on.  I carried him down under his arms, and as far away from my flannel PJs as possible.  I dipped him in the water, and saw some fabulous little turds take float.....awesome!  All I could think of was the 2020 special that tested people's homes and found feces in the fridge and in the kitchen......I know can relate.  

We bathed, and got dressed, and then he finally fell asleep...exhausted from such a movement.  I got cleaned up, and ready to go to Target, and then......I smelled it again!  He shat himself another time!  I was not going to bathe him twice in one day......that is unheard of! Sooo, with much concentration, I folded the shitty onsie over, and tried to carefully get it over his head with the precision of a bomb squad disarmer......no luck!  His back was clear, his sides were clear, but he had shit in his HAIR!!!!

I knew that I couldn't just wipe it out with a wipe......that is well.....shitty, so we headed to the bathroom and laid on the sink.  I was having nostalgia of getting my hair permed by my mom in middle school.....a noble attempt at saving money.  He was surprisingly pleased and still for the ghetto beauty salon shampoo technique.  

My husband finally got home from work, and needless to say......I was ready to hand the Pig off. He was giving him his bottle, and not having success at all!  I was ready for the Pig to go to bed, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.......

I grabbed the boy and tried to burp him.  He let out a huge burp, so I turned him around to get him in "feeding position", and that is when the exorcist came out to play.  He "projectiled" the contents of half of a biggie size milkshake all over the front of me.  I was wearing a wool/cashmere sweater, and a fabulous pashmina tied into a beautiful knot right in the front. He barfed all over me:  the knot, the sweater, and down my shirt!  Of course, I screamed and then we laughed for a good 10 minutes.  

Needless to say.....it was a shitty day.