Can I just tell you how absolutely ridiculous I looked in my Zumba class today at the gym. For those of you who aren't familiar with Zumba it's a cardio class of Latin dance. Yes, we do the Salsa, Marenge, and we shake our hips and asses. My instructor is so adorable, and she can shake her hips and ass like Shakira.....it's crazy! I haven't been to Zumba in a really long time because I've been out of town and just busy on Thursdays, so today was my first day back since my belly has popped.
Luckily I do look a little more pregnant than fat.....just a tad. I think my bellybutton is the dead giveaway since it looks like the little red button on a Butterball turkey that is definitely done. So class starts out as usual, and we are facing the mirrors as usual. I have on some blue karate pants with white stripes down the side, and a coral tank top that is thankfully long enough. Over that I have a white Nike zip up with white satin stripes down the sleeves. It says, "yeah, I'm athletic, but I like to be a little sassy too." By the way, the Nike zip up is not zipped up because it looks like a damn half top when it is, so it is casually open. We finish our warmup dance of sidestepping and ass popping when I decide that the jacket has got to go. I throw it to the front of the class and continue with my jump up twice and them squat while rolling your hips and ass. A move that normally looks somewhat good and hip hopish, but now......with my big pregnant belly......it was a laughable joke! I looked like Amy Poehler in Baby Mama. It was horrible!
We did so many belly dancing/hip hop moves today......I just laughed at myself the whole time! All I could think of was the line from Steal Magnolias that described the new Mayor's wife dancing at the wedding. Clairee said, "Looks like two pigs fightin under a blanket." And.....the bellybutton sweat that adorned the middle of my tank top was really the icing on the cake! Can you imagine a girl who is almost 4 months pregnant dressed in my outfit, legs spread in a squat with feet facing out, getting low and rolling her belly and ass around??? Can you??? It's horrendous!!! My poor baby is probably wondering what the hell is going on out here!
Then, after I get through the Shakira belly dancing routine, we are going to practice the Hip Hop Hustle 5 dance. Oh this was going to be good. I only new the first half of the dance since I had been gone so long. Well, low and behold, a video camera comes out, and we are going to film the dance for You Tube! WTF!!! Are you kidding me? I don't even hardly remember the first half, and I don't even know the second half. This was going to be awesome! The instructor went over the second half in about 4 minutes, so I sort of got it, but not good enough for You Tube! I can't even imagine what I look like on camera doing the damn Hip Hop Hustle 5!!! My hair was a hot mess, and my belly.....well......I can't even explain it to you. I might attach it to this if it is absolutely hilarious! We shall see. Oy Vey and a half!
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