The Rules

Here are some helpful Rules that I have established for myself in the last 7 months of being a mother:

1. Use the Vulcan Death Grip on the container of food when feeding the baby.  If you don't they will inevitably knock the entire thing out of your hand with a swift Jackie Chan like move.
2. Don't get attached to your Cashmere if you choose to wear it with the baby.  Those are the ones that fall victim to the chunky spit up that is mysteriously bigger in volume than what they ingested.
3. Fold the poopy diaper over immediately after undoing it....if not, they will straighten their legs and get shit everywhere!
4. Enjoy yourself when other people are holding your baby.  Don't watch them and worry if they are getting tired of having their necklace grabbed and pulled.  They will give him back to you when they have had enough, and if they don't, then they deserve the torture since they are complete idiots!
5. A Video Monitor is a God-send even if you have a small house.  It lets you make sure that they haven't figured out how to fasten their binky to the blanket in order to throw themselves out of the damn crib.
6. Don't wish for more!  Enjoy every stage, and don't get excited about crawling!  Relish in their boring, "just laying there" stage.  You can leave them there and know that they will be in the same spot when you come back in the room.  Crawling is a nightmare.....even if they just go backwards!
7. Don't feel guilty about having the TV on.  PigPen's brain has not run out of his ear yet.
8. It's okay to cry over spilled milk.  Especially if it is milk that was expressed from you via a loud obnoxious pump that you will learn to loath in the middle of the night!
9. Trust your instincts!  Mother knows best, and father knows nothing that you haven't already told him.  Especially when you are about to embark on the four hour flight that your husband says is Full.  Go ahead and ask the gate agent if you can take the car seat on.  That way you won't hate your husband as you longingly gaze at the empty seat across the aisle when your child is acting like a maniac.  He would have slept for two hours in his car seat!
10. Take pictures!!  You will forget how little and cuddly they were if you don't!